As a new parent, you’re constantly on the hunt for information when it comes to your little one’s growth and development. Around one year, your child may start to develop separation anxiety and - while perfectly normal - it can be unsettling for both you and babe. But also super common (and discussed less frequently) is your own separation anxiety that comes when leaving your child for an extended period of time. Since the beginning of the pandemic, I had been catering to both my husband and my son’s needs, often allowing them to trump my own (sigh, motherhood). Seeing my fatigue, a friend asked me ‘At what point do you have to just become selfish? And how?’ While I don’t know the right answer to that - I’m still working on it - here’s how I tried. 

Being a mommy is THE best, and probably the most important, job I have ever been blessed with. Since birth, MAK and I have been inseparable. Every day for the last 16 months, I’ve watched my helpless infant become an energetic, independent toddler. Like many of you, this pandemic has allowed our family the opportunity to spend more time together than we could have ever imagined. But it may have become more than we really needed. 

At the beginning of quarantine, we took daily trips to the park, outdoor music classes, walks through our new neighborhood and had BBQs in our spacious new backyard with our little ‘pod’. But summer and fall turned to a bitter winter and instead of getting cozy on the couch with my loved ones and some Netlifx, I was yearning for a solo beach vacation. Being a mother and a spouse (not to mention the other hats we wear: housekeeper, career woma, cook…) I needed a serious break. Or at least I thought I did…

I had a chat with my hubby and packed my bags for a first-class flight to Mexico. Here I was - traveling light, wizzing through the airport with a carry-on full of bathing suits, shorts and crop tops, moving through TSA without a break in my step. No toys, no snacks, no diapers, no tears. Let me tell you that CLEAR and TSA Pre-Check are the way to travel. I was so excited to take this time for myself and ditch the checklists + schedules. I was on BRITTNEY TIME and, looking back, I enjoyed every moment of my stay. Marquee Playa Hotel was amazing - the food, the cocktails, the service and the ambiance. I was just starting to feel so free and relaxed. 

As I settled in to my first solo vaca, all I could think about were my loves at home. I called multiple times a day and, of course, requested lots of photos. I monitored my baby from an app on my phone and listened in on bedtime stories. I watched my husband and mother-in-law hug and kiss MAK goodnight. I know. It sounds crazy, right? Like, girl you are on vacation WHAT are you doing? But I missed my baby! I’d even become accustomed to falling asleep to his Hatch sound machine and ocean waves crashing. But now I was in Mexico, with real waves crashing and I couldn’t sleep. My mind couldn’t shake the thought of my little one and it made it difficult to separate mentally, even though I’d achieved it physically. 

Other than eating and the occasional cocktail, I was kissed by the sun, swam in the warm ocean, got a massage and took lots of naps. I returned home truly rejuvenated and feeling happy that I had given myself the vacation that I needed AND deserved (yes, DESERVED). Separation anxiety during a pandemic was a real thing for me, but it was so important for my mental health to get away (even if I thought of MAK most of the day). It’s okay that I peeked in on the monitor, it gave me peace of mind. It’s okay that I called my husband to check in, that made me still feel involved. I came home with the my energy restored and that will allow my family to continue to grow and connect in a healthy way during this crazy time. 

Mamas, remember to take the time for yourself. Can’t get to Mexico? Don’t stress. Take a moment or two throughout the day. 

If you want to create some time and space for yourself and aren’t ready to travel by plane, here are some options: 

• A day of self-care (mani and pedi, facial, vagacial, wax, hair)

• Indoor stay-cation at a hotel or Air BnB

• Road trip (get out there and explore a new city!)

• Start a creative project or outlet

• Read a good book

• Complete a page or two of an adult coloring book

• COVID-safe cocktails with friends 

• Listen to a podcast 

• Take a mid-day nap

• Look into online courses 

My quarantine time has been FULL of mini-projects… 

• I curated a diverse menu for MAK

• Trained and became a doula 

• Began decorating our new home

• Started therapy (because there’s nothing like working on your mental health)

• Set (and failed!) a new workout routine

• Experimented in the kitchen with some new dinner recipes 

• Made a standing manicure appointment every three weeks 

• Sleep trained MAK (finally!)

• Weekly smudge of our home and meditation to restore that energy

Give yourself some grace and a break. You’ve earned it. 

Happy Mommying! 

Britt